live. laugh. LOVE.

love .. what a subject. i don't really know how to even start this. i want to say that love's a funny thing to me so i guess i will. it makes me laugh. i've always been a caring person, probably too caring for my own good most times, and i've always been a strong advocate for this precious little four letter word. i feel as though when it comes to love, a person can never come half-assed (excuse my french). love, to me, can never be just a half way thing. i'm sure you've experienced how ridiculously hurtful it is to love someone and not have him or her love you in return. i have and it isn't a nice feeling to have, probably the worst after that gruesome feeling i get when i come home and find out someone has ate that last piece of pizza i've been looking forward to eating all day. when i find myself brave enough to take that plunge, i expect that person to take it with me.. no ifs, ands, or buts about it. when i find myself that deep in love, the last thing on my mind is the thought of that person not feeling the same way. i mean.. we've both been on that journey leading towards it together. life isn't perfect, people aren't perfect. there's always that time where someone chews my heart out and spits it back out at me.

my mom sat me down once and while i'm not sure how we even got to the topic of broken hearts, i'm glad it had somehow come up. she took a piece of notebook paper and held it out in front of me. this is how the rest of the conversation went:

mom: "when you break a person's heart, it's like balling up this piece of paper.."
[she balls it up in her hand]
mom: "over time, all of the pain tends to fade little by little.."
[she slowly smooths out the entire piece of paper]
mom: "but no matter what, it is never, ever the same."
[she puts emphasis on the fact that the piece of paper, even if it's no longer balled up, is and will always stay wrinkled]

i told this story to a friend of mine and he said "i'll iron it" and i kindly pointed out that "the iron burns." if i'm ever careful about anything, it's tending to a person's heart. i've had my broken quite a few times and i vowed to try my hardest not to bring that feeling onto another person. when it comes to love, i've learned that i, first and foremost, MUST be patient. love is something that you can never rush. it's scary and what do people do when they're scared.. or MOST people do (:D)? they run and hide! personally, i'm at the point in my life where i don't want to get into a relationship with someone i don't see myself marrying. sure, i'm only twenty and i have a lot more to learn but i don't see the point of being with someone i wouldn't want to marry. relationships, serious ones, last for years. patience; i have to take time out to really get to know a person inside and out. i have to learn all of their good and bad qualities. i'm very cautious and careful, if i can help it, i don't let the bad outweigh the good and if they do, that person's not the right one for me. i won't let myself fall for the whole "i love you but i don't want to ruin our friendship." to me, there's no such thing. if you love me, you'll take that next step with me. you won't take it if you really just don't love me "in that way." trust and loyalty are two very, very important things to me when it comes to friendships and most importantly in relationships. i used to not believe in long distance relationships but i'm older, more mature, etc. etc. if i truly love someone, distance is nothing but a speed bump. getting over it is slow but i still get over it and continue on my merry way, that way to a better relationship.. back into the arms of the person i've invested good time into, who doesn't complete me but compliments me, who i let call me retarded, ridiculous, and random (because i am), who grows each and every day just as i do, who makes mistakes but undoubtedly always holds my best interest at heart because i hold his best interest at heart as well. a man who doesn't compare me to other females because he understands no two people are ever the same and if there was ever anything to compare to, he shouldn't be with me but with her.

i could go on but i have to find somewhere to stop. i can always find another day to continue, find another way of expressing my feelings on love and relationships. i tried to stay as far away from using "you" as possible because i understand that not everyone will agree with what i have to say, not everyone will have gone through what i have and in the end, everyone will form and/or has already formed their own unique definition of l o v e. if i've somehow made an impact on you from writing this, i go to sleep happy. if i've helped you, my mission has been accomplished.. if i've touched you, you have blessed me. it's a blessing to know i've touched a person, made him or her feel good, put a smile on his or her face, the works. smile, it's contagious :).