i often find myself a victim to probably the two most annoying words ever.. " what if? " i see no good coming from that mere question. every time these words cross my mind, i start thinking of things i have no business thinking about. i have kept so many thoughts and feelings to myself out of fear.. what exactly am i afraid of? i could probably go on for pages upon pages answering that question. i've come to realize that i have to stop bottling things up before i explode and cause more harm than good. i can't keep carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. i'm only one person.. a fragile one at that. most of the time, when i'm off in a corner not saying a word is when i have the most to say.

i'm a small woman with a big heart. it gets heavy at times. it's heavy right now. i wear my heart on my sleeve, you can tell everything i'm feeling by my facial expressions. no matter how hard i try, i can't be all dark and mysterious. that's not me. i can't pretend that i don't care about something and/or someone when i do. i can't find it in me to be mean to a person when a person is mean to me without going back and apologizing. doesn't really matter if i did anything wrong in the first place. i swear if i could make all of the people in the world the happiest people they could ever be, i would do it in a heartbeat, even if it was at the expense of my very own happiness.

when i tell you that i miss you and you say nothing in response, the first thing i tell myself is that i shouldn't have said it. " you're doing too much, rinelis.. take a few steps back. " but if i miss you, why wouldn't i want to tell you? maybe i feel too much, too fast but rather than sit in a dark room and shed unnecessary tears over what could possibly be wrong with me, i have to grow up and realize that this is who i am.. and this is how i'll always be. my feelings are intense.. my love is and always will be unconditional. i forgive easily, shed tears frequently. i'm confident in God.. enough to know He made no mistake in creating me.

and so.. if you're to get anything from what it is i wrote today, understand that just because someone doesn't react to something you say and/or do they way you had hoped they would, have the confidence in yourself to know you did what you felt was best, said what you wanted to say and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. always give a person the benefit of the doubt because you would want him or her to do the same for you. you never know what a person is going through, what he or she is thinking, where he or she has been, what he or she has seen, so on and so forth. there will come a time where that person will think of you and what you may have said and/or done for them. they'll appreciate you for it whether they say something to you about it or not and if they ever come back to you, welcome them with open arms. you always have the power to save a life.