if i could turn back the hands of time..

time. crazy thing to write about huh? i've come to realize that 'crazy' is my second most favorite word because i use it to describe almost every damn thing. random realization aside, i'm sure we've all seen constant movies, tv shows, etc. based on this subject.. whether it be focused on the creation and use of time machines, a boy with a fully developed, grown man's body at the age of ten, or a man who ages backwards. to me, time is of the essence and one of the most powerful things in this world. it builds nations and destroys them. you could miss things in a blink of an eye and once time is gone, it's gone for good. when your time is up, it's up.. there's no going back. there's no going back to that person who you knew loved you more than you could ever possibly imagine but you ignored because you were too wrapped up in being single, sexy, and free. that time where you may have lied to your parents, ended up doing something you weren't supposed to, and went through more distress than happiness.

it's funny being a cancerian woman. i'm emotional, shy, reserved, the works. i spent most of my life in tears and regret.. that feeling where i knew in my heart i should have taken more risks and done a lot more things i wanted but was too afraid to. i tend to look to the past way more than any person should which has caused me a lot of strife but is something i'm repairing each and every day. i can't go back in time and talk to all of the people i wish i would have. i can't go back and stick up for myself when all my peers did was pick on me. i can't put back that keychain i stole from dots and take back those nights where my conscience slowly ate away at me until i finally broke down and told my mother what i had done. i can't keep wasting time being stuck in the past either. every day that i learn to let go of all of my insecurities, brings me more and more happiness. time has taken me through a rocky journey of passing and failing classes, smiling and frowning over crushes, gaining and losing friends, pledging to an amazing sorority, and finally.. time has lead me to this particular person, filled with so much passion for life and all things that make it wondrous.

time is exciting to me again. i find myself fighting epic battles with my sleep because i don't want any time to go to waste in finding out more and more about you. the time i spend talking to you, i want to slow down. the time i spend away from you, i want to speed up. where's my fast forward button? i want to obliterate this distance between us. i'm slowly letting go of all of those regrets i gained over my entire twenty years of life; not just saying i have no regrets because it brought me to where i am today, made me who i am today, but actually believing it.. actually believing it has made me and continues to make me into a better person and lead me to you. whether we flourish into the best of friends or the best of lovers is completely unknown to me but regardless of where time takes us, i know it only leads to bigger, better, brighter, and beautiful things. so i'll look back to today and the days prior with an exceptionally large smile on my face, hold my head up, and prepare for the goodness that tomorrow brings. a future with the most diverse, crazy, and sometimes irritating yet equally phenomenal friendships. a future with prosperity, success, and triumph. the chance to hold your hand as if it'll be the last thing i ever do.. a future with you.